Update on Joan's condition November 1998

November 10, 1998

The results of the catscan done of my chest last Friday show no change. The cancer is the same as it was in August when I had the last chest catscan. Phil was disappointed that things hadn't improved but I reminded him that the cancer not growing was more than we had hoped....and a lot better than "There's nothing more we can do".

So I received another chemotherapy treatment today. The nurses told me after missing a treatment, when you get the next one it's a lolla-pa-losa!

Guess I'll spend the next few days 'resting'....groan!

November 9, 1998

Hi....I simply can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving! Where does the time go?

I can tell you where a lot of my time has gone lately....doctors, hospitals, tests.....I'm so tired of being stuck with needles and put into machines that feel like a coffin....it's just awful! But the alternative is worse, so I guess I'll let them keep sticking me with needles, etc.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, I go back to the oncologist. He couldn't give me the chemotherapy treatment last week because my blood count had gone so low. Missing a week of treatment has been wonderful....I'm feeling more like a healthy person than I have in a long time....if only that could last!

The problem of what to wear to Lorraine's wedding has solved itself. I was getting together clothes to donate and found amongst the things that have been too small for me, a beautiful navy blue dress that is quite flattering....I'm happy...I won't have to go shopping.....Phil's happy....I won't be spending money....and Lorraine is happy because her wedding colors are white and navy blue....her wedding has a nautical theme and the reception will be held at the local yacht club......yeah! one less problem!

As I type, Boyo is under my desk with his head on my foot....what a big baby he is! He wants to be held all the time.

I had a catscan last week to determine if the chemotherapy my new doctor has been giving me is working. I'll find out the results tomorrow and I will post them here before I go to bed....I'm praying that it is, at least, slowing down the growth of the cancer.

I've also been doing a lot of reading about the Near Death Experience...brushing up on my knowledge so I can share it with you. As soon as I finish this update, I will go and put some more information on that page.

Oh...yes, how could I forget.....I think I have glimpsed the face of Azrael. I'm not sure...it happened very fast during a dream. I'll try to describe for you what I saw, but please be aware it all happened in about a single second, so it's ' iffy' but it's what I think I saw....

His countenance was magnificent....he glowed from within....if love could be tangible it would look like this 'glowing'....the area all around him was glowing also and I think there were many angels within it.

His eyes were wonderful....I don't remember what color they were but the happiness in his eyes was thrilling. When I saw his eyes I was stunned and couldn't take my eyes away from them so I didn't get to see much of anything else. But I knew he loved me just from what a glimpse could tell me.

And he smiled at me....I'm pretty sure it was a smile....hard to tell because I was still staring at his eyes.

I was thinking "What should I do....should I say something?" Then I reached my hand out to him and he didn't take it. He then disappeared...poof...just like that...and he was gone.

I awoke smiling and feeling wonderful....and not quite sure what had happened.

I'm still not sure...could have been 'just a dream' but I wanted to share it with all....it was

thrilling, exhilarating, sustaining, comforting, wonderful...I could go on and on.

This all took place more than a week ago. Every night as I fall asleep I think of Azrael and hope that I'll see him again but it hasn't happened. Maybe that's for the best.

I'll write more tomorrow....promise!

Updates on Joan's Condition

April 1998 / May 1998 / June 1998 / July 1998 / August 1998 / September 1998

October 1998 / November 1998 / December 1998

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I will take you to the Overview of Heaven page